And Sometimes...

You lie awake at night and think "is this how it goes?" So you lie in bed (and lay your head down) and wish you could lay your thoughts aside while wondering if you're believing in a lie.

You get stuck writing and so you start playing with words "that are easily confused" (Chicken Little lies down to lay eggs).

Days go by quickly and weeks go slowly by and you wonder if you're doing it right.

You think that maybe you're the exception and everyoneelsehasgotittogetherexceptforyou.

You get distracted because the word "titto" screams at you from the words you just strung together and you hope that that doesn't mean that you're weird.

You decide that it doesn't. You just pay attention to strange things (all those T's...)

You think "tomorrow will be better. I will..." and you create this shamtastic list and get really excited.

Tomorrow comes and you don't know why you had such high expectations of yourself.

People tell you "you're doing a great job" but you feel empty from all the rush and wonder why you started.

You get home and you take off your shoes and you let down your hair and you look in the mirror. And you see what you want and not what you ought and you wonder if maybe God has invested too much in the person staring back.

You forget.

You remember what lies behind but forget what is promised. That He is there and He is willing and He cares. That He goes before and He paves the way and He leads and He loves and He knows.

You forget that there is beauty in the mess and so maybe you can rest in the hope that He is working.

You wish you could fall asleep with a sigh because what else can you do when you realize you're loved better than you will ever know.

You just can't live out the rosy ending you envision and so you lie awake at night and succumb to the normalcy of a tough night's sleep while you sort through the lies you are believing.