Sometimes I forget that my life is idyllic. Its ideal because it's real and it is laced with God's goodness in every tiny crevice. It's different, because it lacks acoustic guitar in the background and my slippers are a dingy grey. I don't have a husband that chops wood and my fuzzy round puppy is nonexistent. But it's still good.
This post is stereotypical and it makes my teeth grate. I hate stereotypes. Predictability. Ask my family. I tried my best to convince them to pick a more "slender" Christmas tree simply because I could see its potential. It was beautiful and quaint and lovely...in my mind. I was the equivalent of Phoebe Bouffay, for those of you who have seen the Christmas tree episode. Go watch it now.
However, all irritation with myself aside, I created a thankful list this afternoon whilst drinking a Peppermint mocha at Starbucks. Chalk it up to the "holiday drug" of peppermint mixed with caffeine, but I think it was God-inspired. Today was a great day, all around, of teaching. And, being a first-year teacher, I don't have many of those. Nothing was different, really. Except that my kids are excited about what we are currently reading. "The Crucible" is my new best friend and I plan on spoiling it with lots of Socratic seminars and carefully doggy-eared pages.
Intermixed with my Americanized notion of an idyllic life is the faith that my life is wonderful because God has created it just for me. That was not an eloquent way of saying that God is good, but He is God and needs no fancy introduction. I often forget that my life is steeped in God's goodness. I take for granted what He has given me and done for me. And I hate it. But, then He gives me days were my eyes shine and my smiles widens and I think "OK, I think God must love me or something."
Or something.
God adores me. And I don't get it, because I do not adore myself. He reminded me today (right after the self-condemnation started) that when He looks at me He doesn't really see me. He sees His Son. Picture this: God is sitting across from you. Your eyes are down, inspecting the dirt on the unswept floor. You feel ugly, gross, and all-around undesirable. You briefly glance up and see God smiling, laughing even, and brushing your tears from your eyes. His eyes are kind, clear, and look at you with such pride. Your eyes catch the mirror directly behind God and you startle at your own reflection. You have a beard. Oh, and, you have the reflection of Jesus.
That is who God sees when He sees me. He sees His son. And that makes me relieved, thankful, and amazed.
And so, inspired by this day, this God, this image in my mind, I wrote a list. And it is girly and silly and beautiful and...real.
1. Attentive students
2. Kids exited about reading "The Crucible"
3. Supportive administration
4. Caring co-workers
5. Peppermint mochas
6. Students coming to my classroom after school...just because
7. Students who talk to me while I listen
8. Having the privilege of listening to teenagers, especially when they won't talk to their parents
9. Messy buns
10. clipped nails
11. Christmas lights
12. The shining white star that is atop Belton's water tower (Water tower? I don't actually know what the structure is. There is no ladder...I've already checked)
13. Rest
14. Downton Abbey
15. Helpful computer repair-men who go out of their way to help me
16. Sunshine on cold days
17. Cardigans
18. Five-year-old cellphones that are still going strong
19. Red lipstick
20. Friends who are more like brothers and sisters
21. Family that never gives up on me
22. Growing families!!!!
23. Mini marshmallows
24. The story of the harlot who washed Jesus' feet in Luke 7
25. guitars and beautiful voices
26. harmony in music
27. this thing called life - with all of its joys and sorrows, leaps and tumbles, decaf and regular coffee.
