I always feel sappy when I compose an entry like this one. I shudder at the overuse of emotion, yet entries like these aren't made up of overused emotion, rather they are made up of a human recognition that I am not alone, there is a God who loves me, and I am meager in my devotion to Him.
I had a student complete a presentation on the book Pilgrim's Progress a couple of days ago. The analogy was not lost on him, and God used his simple words to remind me that this journey is not an easy one. There will be mire, there will be suffering, there will be confusion, and there will be unrest. But, also, there will be Him. And I am reminded of that.
And then I forget.
I wish I could say that I have reached the maturity level in my Christian life where I no longer doubt God's work and His faithfulness. I can't say that I have. Recently, I have let my guard down because of doubt and Satan has taken aim and shot at my faith. I may be wounded, but I am not overcome.
"For I am convinced that neither depth nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
Too often, I forget that the Christian life is a journey, lived out in a world that both screams the glory of God, and refuses to believe in His existence. I forget that to stay on the right path, I must follow my Guide. Analogies aside, the truth is, is that what can I expect when I forget? I can expect hardship, anxiety, despair. What can I expect when I remember and follow? I can expect hardship, turmoil, joy, love, forgiveness, freedom, and contentment. He doesn't promise an easy life, but He does promise an abundant one.
To live an abundant life. That is what I want.
A beautiful prayer written by a lady that I don't know, yet speaks of my life exactly.
"Lord, I am Yours. Whatever the
cost may be, may Your will be done in my life. I realize I'm not here on earth
to do my own thing, or to seek my own fulfillment or my own glory. I'm not here
to indulge my desires, to increase my possessions, to impress people, to be
popular, to prove I'm somebody important, or to promote myself. I'm not here
ever to be relevant or successful by human standards. I'm here to please You.
I offer myself to You, for You are worth.
All that I am or hope to be, I owe to You. I'm Yours by creation, and every day
I receive from You life and breath and all things. And I'm Yours because You
bought me, and the price You paid was the precious blood of Christ. You alone,
the Triune God, are worthy to be my Lord and Master. I yield to You, my gracious
and glorious heavenly Father; to the Lord Jesus who loved me and gave Himself
for me; to the Holy Spirit and His gracious influence and
empowering.
All that I am and all that I have I give to
You. I give You any rebellion in me, which resists doing Your will. I give You
my pride and self-dependence, which tell me I can do Your will in my own power
if I try hard enough. I give You my fears, which tell me I'll never be able to
do Your will in some areas of my life. I consent to let You energize me...to
create within me, moment by moment, both the desire and the power to do Your
will.
I give You my body and
each of its members...my entire inner being: my mind, my emotional life, my
will...my loved ones...my marriage or my hopes for marriage...my abilities and
gifts...my strengths and weaknesses...my health...my status (high or low)...my
possessions...my past, my present, and my future...when and how I'll go
Home.
I'm here to love You, to obey You, to
glorify You. O my Beloved, may I be a joy to You!"
And so, this is how it goes. He saves, He loves, He brings, He gives, He waits, He shelters, He calms. We love, we forget, we walk away, we remember, we love, we worry, we remember, we love...and it goes on and on. I will never be as faithful as He is. I will never love Him as much as He deserves. But, the beauty of this God that I serve, is that He doesn't expect me to perform in any particular way. He sent His son so that I wouldn't have to. And so, He just wants me. Every worry, fear, imperfection, and faithlessness that I bring to the table. And that's all He wants. He does all the work. All I have to do is follow.
To live an abundant life. To see the beauty in the mess. To live under grace instead of stress. To live how I was created to live.
